"Love is stronger than any addiction. . . hell, it is one" - Madea

If there is one thing I have learned from a movie, it has to be from Madea. Yeah, she/he whatever is a strange character, but her quotes and thoughts have to be the greatest thing I have heard. Great times.

There have been a few things lately that I have really been struggling with. I feel like a teeter-totter. . . you know, at one point you and Abba are right there together and your allowing him to guide you, and then right after that you are back where you started and are trying to do things on your own. Well, as I was talking about this to Him, this song continues to come to mind. . . I included the majority of the lyrics:

**When I cannot feel, when my wounds don't heal
Lord I humbly kneel, hidden in You
Lord, You are my life so I don't mind to die
Just as long as I am hidden in You

If I could just sit with You a while, if You could just hold me
Nothing could touch me though I'm wounded, though I die
If I could just sit with You a while, I need You to hold me
Moment by moment, 'till forever passes by

When I know I’ve sinned when I should have been
Crying out my God and hidden in you
Lord I need you now, more than I know how
So I humbly bow, hidden in you

If I could just sit with You a while, if You could just hold me
Nothing could touch me though I'm wounded, though I die
If I could just sit with You a while, I need You to hold me
Moment by moment, 'till forever passes by**

I know the only way I will ever make it through is to take time just to sit, just to listen and to hear what my Maker is telling me. . . I have to keep telling myself that I can't do it on my own and everytime I feel that way, this song keeps coming to mind and it allows me to remember to sit and to listen and to stop trying to do things my way.

I have had a great first few weeks of school. Its amazing the difference in commuting and living on campus. I love my roomate, I couldnt have asked for a better one! I have made some great friends, and continued to develop friendships with ones from before.

I got the chance to have a conversation with a friend the other night, and we were just talking about risks and why its good to take them sometimes. I haven't been a big risk taker lately. . . I guess its out of fear of being hurt again. One thing he told me though was basically that I will never get over that fear of getting hurt unless I put myself in a place where there are possibilities. No, its not saying that I should hold up a sign that says "I am ready for disaster" but it is telling me that I should just put the past behind me and look at today. Yeah, the past seems to still be around, for instance a phone call the other morning that about made me wet myself. . .but who knows. . . I won't unless I take a risk. . .or for better word, a chance. Take that opportunity and go with it. (When I am given the opportunity, I will know, and then I can go with it!)

I miss caswell. I miss the family feeling, my kids, the long walks or jogs on the beach when I needed "me" time. . . I miss the feeling of being home there. But I tell you what, I may not be there right now, but it is definately in my heart and constantly in my thoughts. I guess the roads of Buies Creek for my "me" time is good enough. :)

Well its pretty late. . . starting to sound like my friieenndd staying up so late. By the way, great guy. Amazing guy. (I mean, he fits my standards hehe). Anyway, hopefully I will get to write again soon. . . well this is kind of a long one, so it may be a while!

Fabulous!