Ramblin'

I struggle a lot with the fact that God is in control and not me. I hate feeling like I am stuck and don't know what I should do or what I should say. What do you do when you feel like you want to go for something, but you are afraid that it is only a fluke and isn't really the thing to do? Or maybe it is the thing you should do, but you are too scared that it isnt going to go well? These are the kinds of things that frusterate me.

Got a packet of papers from Caswell and oh am I excited! All summer at the beach hanging out with kids. . . I think this is a fabulous place for me. Leave at the end of May and don't get back until August. . . Exciting? Absolutely.

I meet tons of new people everyday. I really enjoy getting to know new people. There are actually a few that I really would like to get to know more, but that goes back to my comment above. I have a hard time with falling for people. I get it really bad, but I hate it and how it makes me feel like a little kid, so I try not to do anything about it, and basically talk myself out of it. Its funny, because the ones that I have great friendships with are the ones that I have talked myself out of a "crush" on them. Kinda exciting, but frusterating at the same time. Relationships never seem to go to the positive with me. . . had some rough ones. . . been brought up with the knowledge of hurt and how angry I am with my father, and I think that has to do a lot with me and not wanting to get hurt again. I havent really been thinking about him but recently and ever since I got out of two very hard relationships, I have been thinking about how they aren't even worth it sometimes. How can you hurt someone? Well, if you ask the past fellas they could probably tell me how. . . I feel like I am rambling. . . well, yeah I am.

All in all, I do have a hard time making myself just want to be friends, because I know that is always the right way to go, but then I would like to know more. . . but thats where I just have to wait.

I watched "The Perfect Man" today. Not literally, but the movie. . . and the mom said something that stuck in my mind. I actually wrote it down. . . "New people are only new for a day. After that, they are just people. People who will excite you, disappoint you, scare you a little bit. Its tempting to run away when that happens. Its good for avoiding things. But the problem is, you end up avoiding yourself, avoiding people you love. You end up avoiding life."

You guys have a fabulous rest of your week. . . thanks for reading my ramble~

Fabulous!