Yeah. Right

Today has been a super long day. We had our annual town of Spring Lake Spring Fling today. Yes, in the rain and everything. It started out great, with tons of people, and absolutely adorable little guys in their uniforms ready to play some ball. Well, it did rain. Quite a bit. I was drenched. Head to toe, squeaky shoes, yeah. Drenched. It was still fun though. What was supposed to last from 8 to 7 went from 8 to about 1230.

Work tonight was alright. It was hot, long, and I had to cook. But it works.

Two weeks of school left. Two weeks and I am no longer a freshman. How exciting! No more western civ!! Yay!! :) I can't wait. This week, finals, a few weeks of working, then the beach. Woh, exciting!

I know this might sound kinda funny. . . but I have had to attempt to explain why I think friendships are good for me for right now. Twice in one week actually. I don't mind, because it is kind of flattering. . .but I guess just getting my point across that I haven't been single for a long time, and these past few months have been so great. I get this feeling every time I like someone and it gets kind of serious. This uneasy feeling like something isn't right. Like I am in the wrong place, wrong time. I hate that feeling. I hate feeling like I have to let another person down. I just know that if it is the right guy at the right time, I won't get that feeling. So for now, I think my best route is to make friends. Close, good, fun friendships that won't be something to make me fall farther from my relationship with my maker. . . This is definately what I want. When the right guy is there, I wont get that feeling anymore. I know I won't.

Well, just another day. Tomorrow is going to be exciting. We have homecoming at my church. Big deal. I am really excited. I have to sing with my sister, but I think it will be okay. I am really excited because people I haven't seen in forever are going to be there! Well I hope it goes well, and I will have to write about it later.

For now, it is getting about that time for bed. Long days ahead. . .need my beauty sleep~!

Fabulous!

Another Week at CU

Life gets harder and harder every day. . . I feel like I am sinking lower and lower into my own hole, one I created, and I don't know how to get out of it.

Things have been going good. My ho friend is back on his feet again, which is always exciting. . . I am getting along with my mom, which is always a good thing. . . I absolutely love McGoof, who has def been my human-savior lately. . . just someone to spend time with thats fun. Much needed. Love it acutally.

So, I know I have talked before about dating. I guess I have made my point to myself that I enjoy being single. . . but then there is that one time where if that one guy wanted to be in a relationship I would be all for it. But I def am enjoying my friendships more than anything. Its great.

School is almost out, and Caswell time is almost here!! I can't wait! Finals are the first week of may. . .then I leave for the beach May 29th! Super exciting!!

Well you have a fabulous rest of your week, and I will write again very soon!!

Fabulous!

Ramblin'

I struggle a lot with the fact that God is in control and not me. I hate feeling like I am stuck and don't know what I should do or what I should say. What do you do when you feel like you want to go for something, but you are afraid that it is only a fluke and isn't really the thing to do? Or maybe it is the thing you should do, but you are too scared that it isnt going to go well? These are the kinds of things that frusterate me.

Got a packet of papers from Caswell and oh am I excited! All summer at the beach hanging out with kids. . . I think this is a fabulous place for me. Leave at the end of May and don't get back until August. . . Exciting? Absolutely.

I meet tons of new people everyday. I really enjoy getting to know new people. There are actually a few that I really would like to get to know more, but that goes back to my comment above. I have a hard time with falling for people. I get it really bad, but I hate it and how it makes me feel like a little kid, so I try not to do anything about it, and basically talk myself out of it. Its funny, because the ones that I have great friendships with are the ones that I have talked myself out of a "crush" on them. Kinda exciting, but frusterating at the same time. Relationships never seem to go to the positive with me. . . had some rough ones. . . been brought up with the knowledge of hurt and how angry I am with my father, and I think that has to do a lot with me and not wanting to get hurt again. I havent really been thinking about him but recently and ever since I got out of two very hard relationships, I have been thinking about how they aren't even worth it sometimes. How can you hurt someone? Well, if you ask the past fellas they could probably tell me how. . . I feel like I am rambling. . . well, yeah I am.

All in all, I do have a hard time making myself just want to be friends, because I know that is always the right way to go, but then I would like to know more. . . but thats where I just have to wait.

I watched "The Perfect Man" today. Not literally, but the movie. . . and the mom said something that stuck in my mind. I actually wrote it down. . . "New people are only new for a day. After that, they are just people. People who will excite you, disappoint you, scare you a little bit. Its tempting to run away when that happens. Its good for avoiding things. But the problem is, you end up avoiding yourself, avoiding people you love. You end up avoiding life."

You guys have a fabulous rest of your week. . . thanks for reading my ramble~

Fabulous!